Tuesday, May 10, 2011

You've gotta give for what you take

For my 13th post (how lucky) - I thought I would talk about freedom.. Although by definition, it means being independent. But is anyone truly free? It seems freedom is a double-edged sword, choice of opportunity cost.. In order to get something, something else must be sacrificed.

I always use love/sex/marriage/friendship as examples but go with me on this... Before I got married and I am sure, like most single people out there, I had an idea what marriage was like. No, I wasn't completely naive to think that love would be ever-lasting and I would be singing my heart out in praises of my man 24/7... But I never imagined I would end up the way I am..

[Side note - I am always amused when I listen to single friends talk about the "praises" of marriage - "I would never cheat on my wife/husband.. I will be devoted to them..." Yes, unfortunately that is the tone initially but after day in and day out of being together, things change.. Being girlfriend and boyfriend is so very different than husband/wife.. Things get serious very fast - but this is a topic for another day]

Don't get me wrong, its not that I do not love hubby, like I said, we are working through our share of issues... But you will never always get everything you want in one person. You will never get the understanding without the jealousy, the faithful man etc. Every human has his/her weaknesses and I think marriage tends to bring the worst out of us.. Maybe its because we feel we can let our hair down since we have settled down... A good example is, most people tend to put on weight after they get married.. You can relax, no need to impress the other person.. So you just basically let yourself go... Not just physically but all your mental hangups come into view..

Now what does this have to do with freedom? Well, for example, I am a person who values my freedom. I need my space, my independence, my tendency to roam so to speak.. Yes, I am a mum and a wife, but there are days, I just want to be "me". So I sometimes sacrifice my time I could spend with my kid/hubby and go out with girlfriends and enjoy myself. That doesn't mean I don't love my family any less, its just that I need to do this to retain my sanity.

Or here's another hypothetical example. You can be happily married but your sex life could be going through a funky stage. You are not happy with your partner and wish you could spice it up a little. But you don't want to hurt your partner by suggesting that they should change their ways. So you look at other options - maybe have a friends-with-benefits on the side. Again, it doesn't mean you don't love your partner, maybe you need that change. But then are you willing to sacrifice your relationship by doing this? Yes, one side there is freedom and independence and who knows, maybe by adding some spice, you can revive your relationship. But on the other side, you can hurt your partner.. Of course, if that person doesn't find out, that's another story...

Freedom - George Michael

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